Sex Ed - Revised

So the other day I was thinking about how terrible my sex ed class was. We had our principle teach us everything and on top of that everything we learned we will never use unless we are a doctor. That lead me to start thinking about how I would teach the class and I realized how awesome of a sex ed teacher I would be.
First day on the job, FIELD TRIP! I would take the class to a local strip club and pay a stripper to watch the class for an hour. This is how i would introduce her: "Hello kids, this is Delilah and she is hiding a banana somewhere. You assignment is to find out where!" I would then turn and walk out.
You see, that is how my father taught me, but we are poor folk and the only stripper we could afford was a 6'8" 400lb. BEAST. That made the search for the banana so much harder. I had to dig under folds and flabs till I finally found it in a place I never even thought of looking in.
The second day I would teach on condoms and why you should always double wrap it. I will also throw in my two sense about flavored condoms and jellies, we don't need our areas tasting like cool-aid.
And finally the third day I would teach about snowballing and why it is such a bogus move. Spit or swallow is a job that should be left up to the ladies, they should not pass that decision over to us because we cant handle it. Us guys have a hard enough time picking out socks in the morning we don't wanna have to face the decision of swallowing our own jizz. Every guy will have the thought go thru his mind "if I swallow does that make me gay?" and that just isn't fair.
The rest of the semester would be spent on S.T.D.s and trips to see people dieing of A.I.D.S. to scare the shit out of the kids.